Childhood Maltreatment and Its Link to Adult Relationships

How childhood maltreatment can shape intimate relationships, and what we can do about it

Written by Ruth Williams, Victoria Okuoimose, Alice Phillips and Patrizia Pezzoli.
This project was funded by a British Academy/Leverhulme grant and by the NIHR UCLH BRC.

What happens when the love and safety we are supposed to receive in childhood are absent or replaced by harmful treatment? For many, the impact of these difficult early experiences echoes into adulthood, shaping how they see themselves, what they believe they deserve in romantic relationships, and what they expect from their partners.

The Global Picture

Globally, around one in five children experience maltreatment at the hands of parents or caregivers, such as being belittled, physically hurt, sexually exploited or experiencing a lack of basic care, love or attention. Alarmingly, individuals who were maltreated as children are up to six times more likely to experience domestic violence as adults than those who were not maltreated as children. Domestic violence involves someone having power or control over their partner, such as being blamed for arguments or being put down, being told what to wear or who you can spend time with, being physically hurt or threatened, or being forced or pressured into sex.

New Study

A new study by researchers at UCL, carried out in partnership with people who have personal experience of childhood maltreatment and domestic violence, sheds light on the psychological factors that may help explain the link between maltreatment and later experiences of relationship abuse. Importantly, these psychological factors are not fixed. The study also provides insights into of the kind of strategies which could help people with maltreatment histories in forming safe and fulfilling intimate relationships

The study, based on interviews with 16 adults in the UK, identifies changes to the way that people think and behave following childhood maltreatment. Many described having no healthy relationship role models and felt confused about what a healthy relationship could look like. Some found it hard to navigate conflict, having learned in childhood that pleasing others could be a safer strategy than asserting themselves. This habit of putting others first, learned as a way to avoid potentially dangerous conflict, made them kind and loyal friends or colleagues, but also left them vulnerable to exploitation in romantic relationships.

Beyond One-Size-Fits-All Education

The message from the contributors was clear: efforts to prevent intimate partner violence need to go far beyond the one-size-fits-all relationship education typically delivered in educational settings.

Preventative support should help people with maltreatment histories:

Reframe their childhood experiences by addressing narratives of self-blame
Rebuild self-worth and identity
Develop an understanding of what safe relationships can look like through experiences such as supportive friendships, therapeutic relationships, or other positive role models

As one of the study’s lived-experience researchers put it:

“It’s not about dwelling on the past, it’s about not letting it define your future.”

Shaped by Lived Experience

The study was shaped by people with personal experience of childhood maltreatment and domestic violence, who worked alongside the research team to guide its direction and focus.

Our study contributors and lived-experience researchers approached the study with openness and a strong sense of purpose, knowing their stories were shaping research. We hope this approach will lead to real change in what we focus on in future research and how we prevent violence among those with maltreatment histories.

A Reminder for Prevention

This study reminds us that intimate partner violence prevention isn’t just about teaching common red flags. It’s about understanding the complex, often subtle threads that link childhood harm to adult vulnerability and committing to undo them. Effective prevention requires evidence-base approaches, focused on the pathways highlighted by research, and shaped by the perspectives of those with lived experience.

A sincere thanks to the participants involved in this project for the time taken to participate, and their openness and trust in discussing their experiences, and thank you the charities who enthusiastically spread the word about our research. Finally, a huge thank you to our lived-experience co-production team for their time, dedication, guidance and insight.